flowers for gay.
Friday, February 20, 2004
11:43 a.m.
hey gay people want to get married adn have flowers too. so I am suggesting u help out. and not with that retarded lets send flowers to the white house bullshit one for every couple married cuz honestly they dont care about our flowers on there lawn where as gay people are flower nuturers and will enjoy a lovely arrangement. plus yeah. just do it. http://www.livejournal.com/community/twin_cities/517426.html?page=2#comments

Blah
Thursday, February 19, 2004
08:38 a.m.
So I am hope this doesnt come out in block form because i am getting sick of that. and i am dont know how to change it. I hit return

but that doesnt seem to do the trick. I am saddened how unorignially depressing a certain someone is. I mean seriously. At least when other people ( that i enjoy) were depressed they were not so lacking in flair.... well i guess depression is not so original... but at least they werent depressed like a really bad MTV truelife version. Seriously. I mean last time i can recall derpression that was so well over whelming depressing was a certain ex of mine. And i recall he was sadly scratching his wrist with a razor in the bathroom saying. "I am going to do it. i will. and then i am going to write in my blood on the wall its all amber's fault" he assumed people would actually care (beyond the point of being happy) that he was dead.so i replied "go ahead i will just wash it off the wall anyway." -I am going to be a great mom to some whack job teenage kid. wow.

Thursday, February 12, 2004
08:32 a.m.
I am bored. I hate being up at 6:00 in the god damn wretched morning. To help someone older then me shower. Damn it all. I hate that my blog does do spaces but everything in block text. Damn. I am sick of this. OWwww. Two posts in two days josh might just pee his pants.

As you know.
Thursday, February 12, 2004
12:11 a.m.
So yeah I keep going into these really uncomfortable bouts of labor. And by uncomfortable I mean that I don't notice them until the pain stays in my back. I tell you what labor pains are way overrated. The doctor says less then a week now. And that I should stop working. Hmmm. Oh well. My work schedule is made a month in advance. Best quote ever. My mom and I are driving around (we got lost actually) and she looks at me and says. "I wish I was married. (pause, pause, pause) to a guy that was dieing. So I could have his money." Alright maybe not the best quote ever. but well semi amusing. I realized I have four friends. And well they're couples. So in reality I have two couples for friends. Kind of depressing. Well until u think about the people that have no friends. Early morning television isn't so much funny as much as its funny to laugh at.

Bad
Friday, February 6, 2004
08:09 p.m.
I feel really bad. Its like everytime he calls it brings out the worst in me. I just tense up. because. well... hmm... I know how smart he can be and what a great person he can be. but to me he just doesn't or won't. He acts like a jackass. He says stupid crap. he does stupid crap. its mind numbing. i really feel i deserve better. but then again i hear constantly he is ur match. When we are around other people he can be really nice. like he is trying to prove it to them. that we should be together. but when its just me its the same old jackass i have grown to hate. but what makes it worse is i am literally mean to him because i want him to go away and he won't so i snap, or blow him off completely. I just dont have the time for him. Or rather i don't feel like wasting my time on him. My o' so valueable time off work. I honestly would rather just lounge around my home doing nothing. without him being here. its like he doesn't even understand. i am not a little kid anymore i don't want some guy lounging around on my bed that a.) i'm not dating. B.) don't want to date. C.)makes me feel dumb or d.) makes retard coments and then trys to play off he is stupid. I am so damn sorry but i don't even let my consumers get away with that kind of behavior. If ur not dumb dont act it. If u are social retarded then stay in ur home. and never leave it. becuase seriously some day someone is going to haul off and hit u hard in the nose with thier fist and make u bleed. Plus he makes me feel bad. I will honestly never date again. Becuase all the guys that would even consider dating me just want to treat me bad. and tell me i am boring. or bad and something. I am sick of feeling like i am not good enough. I might not be but well hell let me live in my own little personal world where i am not so bad. because i have enough on my plate. I don't want to hear my jobs are crap. i dont want hear i suck. i dont want to hear i messed up my life. i dont want to hear i used to be prettier. i dont want to hear any of it. I dont want to be made to feel bad because i just want to be a homebody. i am sorry we cant all be like his mother and go out and party and fuck around until our babies pop out. and then leave off some man. I AM SO DAMN SORRY.

cash
Friday, November 7, 2003
08:45 p.m.
what's the price of life to you? take a moment and think and be serious. because in all honesty its cheaper then my first car

trashy people
Thursday, November 6, 2003
08:54 p.m.
went to that job fair thing tonight. i had nothing better to do. so i just started handing in aplications to folks. and i have four fricking interviews. whatever i was like the prom queen at a cheap strip joint. i was like one of the top dogs. sad stuff. i am pretty happy with the yearbook considering all that yearbook staff of yesteryear actually did was eat alot. still think alex is gay. i am not trying to make him gay i am rather trying to make him come out of his closet. ian is asexual or so i hope. on a serious not. its hard to deal. i mean i think if someone claims to believe in something. but never has to deal with it and i mean really deal with it. its not fair. but to honestly think something is right no matter at what cost. you should actually see it. up close and personal.

Wednesday, November 5, 2003
11:29 p.m.
Hiding. i have always likes to hide. or break rules, or escape. actually over the vast years of my life. those three things have made a big impact on me. see when u are little you hide in a closet or under a bed. but being a girl and having the smile of society upon u, make up becames your closet. so for as long as i can remember living in bismarck which i can totally remember i have always wanted to maintain hiding behind soemthing. make up is a recuring tool i have often used. and i get a little kick out of days when i am sad and i pile the make up on and do my hair to hide myself. people tell me i look great, and i must be great and they are so happy to see i am normal again or that to see me happy. and i just nod and sort of smile. because i know the truth.

i dont know how they get a penis out of that!
Tuesday, November 4, 2003
06:41 p.m.
A bouncing baby boy i shall bring to the world sometime in March. however i am aiming to bring it early! on feb. 29. so then my kid doesnt have a birthday ever year ineviably bring me much joy. and him much sorrow. see. to everyone that thought their parents liked to watch them suffer u were right!. anyways. it will be named after two great people and josh. so i will offical announce the name here and now. anthony-james francis. the anthony part after josh being its his middle name (and ps. man u r great) james after my good ol grnad pappy. and francis after my mommy. last year around this time if u would have told me in one year u will be planning for ur first child. i would have crapped my pants and died. this is unbeliable. however got a new car today. which is rad.cept fo rthe fact the car dealer asked me if i would mind him coming into my work to see me sometime. and shaking my hand way to much and not letting go when it was over. anyways. everyone was bummed about the baby being a boy since that sort of thing is hard to mistake. my mom actually said are u sure thats not a thumb. and the lady was like well if u think its a thumb where is the rest of the hand inside the croutch. okay she didnt say that she told my mom she was crazy. but she should of. then would i told my grandmother. she sounded so sad adn accusing as if i did it on purpose. adn though i got pregnant and made it a boy by my own will just to spite her. when i should her the picture. she actually said "i dont know how they get a penis out of that!" but in a lighter note my mom told me i was an alien that was scrapped out of her without her knowing it. and i was also told that so far the baby is resembling me from he doc and lab tech.. yeah!

A corner of the vast internet world
Sunday, November 2, 2003
02:58 a.m.
Started this thing, choose this site cuz pita was its name, and i am hungry. I guess I will see how long it takes people to not read it. or for me to foget the password. well anyways. today a blog was born.